Diwan

Man Outnumbered 2.0: Here To Stay

Come on, shake your body baby, do the conga !” That song has been my work song for the past couple of weeks. Remember the male intern I mentioned a couple of weeks ago? Turns out he’s here to stay (for another week according to Captain) I still think I’m irreplaceable like a yearbook or a wedding ring. I want to thank the male intern (can’t find a nickname for him) for his work. I heard he was a dedicated intern, reminds me of myself in a way. I certainly can’t wait for the next one.

Good afternoon gents and ladies. The Mistress has been all over me (that’s what she said) these past weeks. “Why haven’t you mentioned me in your column lately?” “Is there someone else?” Imagine that. How evil would that be? Cheating on the mistress with another mistress? What would the column be called then? That’s something to think about.

I haven’t slept well since the day I left her and that’s probably #263 that I’ve mentioned that but it’s true. It’s like falling down from heaven into a fire-pit filled with.. more fire pits? That’s enough “pit” for now. I am missing on so much with The Mistress and it’s not only the freshly brunt coffees and healthy lunches that have been left behind but also the fact that I was genuinely happy at where I was. This may seem like something you’d hear in a celebrity interview with Oprah but it is what it is.

Don’t you get all excited and get your jollies when you’re introduced to someone whom you have power over to harass, seduce, and practically own? Without making it sound like a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey, I’m talking about an intern. What we (Captain and I) have been coming up with is the latest concept in hiring new staff/interns. It’s called “The Intern”. You may still have no idea what I’m talking about so l’m going to let you in on some details. You’ve all heard about “The Voice”, the only singing show with respectable ratings, coaches, and talent? We thought of having the same idea but instead of having the candidates sing a ballad or rap, we ask them to tell a real story, an interesting time in their lives. It could be a situation that ended up awkwardly or an encounter with a stranger. Candidates have one minute to please the judges and they move on to the next round and so on. Really cool, right? Sounds tacky, I know but when this kicks in, we expect to have queues waiting outside the office dying to be on the next big YouTube segment in the Middle East. I probably gave away too much there. Captain, we need to talk.

As I’m writing this, I just came back from a quick visit to The Mistress. She seemed well, still giving me that weird eye look. I can’t really tell if she wants something or she’s going to bite my head off. Wearing white again (hope she doesn’t read that), she was her usual self with a quite confused look on her face like she can’t choose between two jobs or two TVs or two.. lovers?

That’s all for this week and from now on, it’s going to be every week because what a cliffhanger there, right?

Adnan Al-Timimi a.k.a Man Outnumbered is in a dilemma. Having a mistress can be risky but visiting her is an absolute delight. Follow his column to know more about his adventures with The Mistress.

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