Diwan

Man Outnumbered 2.0: When I Met Barry

Sorry to keep you all waiting (hope no one was counting the days..) but I was so busy contemplating life, finding the perfect TheMistress2deodorant, and trying to realize the fact that I quit my job! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, yours truly has left where he shouldn’t have been in the first place. Some would say you take in experience and learn from everything you do and go through in life but in this case the only things I took in were a few pounds.

Good afternoon and what a lovely Sunday it is today *knocks on wood*

Now I have all the time in the world to bring back this column to the global stage it was once on. So many things have happened since the last entry to this column. I left my job, the divas and divo (new word I’m trying out) look all tense and busy whenever I drop by and it just came to me that now since I left my job, I can spend more time with The Mistress. Wait, is she still a mistress? I’m not cheating on anyone, anymore. What do I call her now? Person? She never really had a name and I’m not at liberty to give it away if she had one. I’ll think of something and in the meantime, let’s discuss the below..

Why is that every time I visit the office, I see a new face? By new face, I mean a MALE new face. What’s up with that, Captain? I thought we agreed that Man Outnumbered was to remain Man Outnumbered. Do you remember how long it took for us to come up with the title of this column? I’m not changing it to ‘Man No Longer Outnumbered’. God, now I have to come up with a nickname for the new guy. How about Barry? It kind of rhymes with his real name, I think.

I visited the divas the other day and it was different, different because the original people that I started out with weren’t there anymore. They were out in the wild, embarking on a journey filled with danger and risk. Just kidding, it’s almost like the original band has been broken apart and new members are now in. F2, X-Grande Latte, and Critic are those part of that original band. Who knows what they’re up to but we wish them the best. No we don’t, they left me. Well I left them first but who cares?

Let’s talk about Barry. He seems like a good guy. I still don’t know if he’s here to stay or if he’s an intern but anyway, I give him 2 months tops. Wait, did he pass that already? What happened to hiring pretty chicas who smell like vanilla? That was creepy, my bad. No offence Barry and I really hope Captain reads this paragraph.

I’m serving my last week here and I’m having mixed feelings even though the year I spent here was the most wasted time of my life where I learned nothing, absolutely nothing, nada, zilch, zero. Fine, I did learn how to be more organized but that’s something I think I was born with (my family would probably disagree)

Who else is excited about the holidays? I love the Christmas songs, Christmas cookies sections at Marks and Spencer, and I may even buy one of those knitted Christmas sweaters (the one your grandma made for you but never wore) Sitting on the couch, watching a classic Christmas movie while sipping on hot chocolate with marshmallows is just what I need.

Someone famous is now an employee at Khaleejesque. I met her yesterday. She has nice hair. That’s all I’m saying.

I’m out!

Adnan Al-Timimi a.k.a Man Outnumbered is in a dilemma. Having a mistress can be risky but visiting her is an absolute delight. Follow his column to know more about his adventures with The Mistress.

Illustration by Aysha Al-Houli

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